The Cake is not real

The cake! It's REAL! Tell Dr. Freeman!

Gears of Snors Duex?!

HARDLY!

So I'm one of the few lucky 7-11 snag-n-dashers that got their hands on the highly anticipated Gears of War 2 before its release date. Wow. I mean what did I do to deserve this? So what came to mind as I got home? "My wife has to see this! It's an unprecedented work of art! She'll love it!" WRONG! What do I hear? "You playing video games again?" Which means I have a body double that hangs out and plays games while I work. Just ask my buddy's how "often" I play ANYTHING these days! All she wanted to do was sleep. Oh, my little Beserker. Well, all niggativity aside I had a great time. Wish BOPA could've enjoyed it with me. It reminded me of when I first got lice..... and no one else had em. I was the cool kid. I was like the new bad ass. No one wanted to hang out with me. But I knew why. They were scared. Scared of the crazy look in my eye. Scared of what my Superman lunchbox may contain! Is that apple juice or Scotch?! Thats some serious shit right there! No thats puddin'! Scared of the open soar from the nest these lice had laid. Oh yeah. Back up or get backedthefugg'd up!

P.S. Love ya baby!

Ray2

Life of Ray, Part 2 - Flash Game Flash Game

Signs of a future butch

Gadget of the Month! Krups Beertender

Uh, speechless. I want one.... need one. This things the bawls! Not sure if its a French or Swiss company. These guys created Tefal. Cool stuff!

Beer stays fresh once locked in for up to 30 days! Temperature control even lets you know when your fresh brew is at its best to drink. I hear there's a Happy Ending button too. Not sure what it does but we all hope it does what we're all thinking it does.


http://www.krupsusa.com/All+Products/Beertender/Products/BeerTender/B95.htm

Messin' with your co-workers

Really want to mess with a buddy, acquaintance, or just some dooshbag at work? Print one of these out and tape it to their chair.Watch the dumby look around their desk and office for hours. Only good can come of this.

I don't care pill

It's Friday and I've taken about 40 of these. Yeah.... I don't give a shat. Nothing bothers me at this point. No matter how dumb a question I get. Oh the life of an IT Tech.

F me? No EFF JOO!!!!!!

Sniper Jesus??!!

Yeah. Pretty much true. The day I see that name in Call of Duty 4 is the day I turn my 360 off fer good!

READ A BOOK NUKKA!!!!

Now go get yo learn on mu-fuggah!!!!

??????????????

DUI Kitteh Busted!

Blackwater Snipers Havin' a Ball!

Yeah. They are who our Army calls for "help". Don't mess with the US or you just might end up with the top half of your head on someones lap.

O! Hai! Hwant peanutz? U hav!

Everyday Disaster Shows Boston Woman have Balls!

If you're in Boston Friday, March 21st go check this chick out. She rocks. I know her personally. Her crazy antics almost got me fired from my current job.... but thats for another blog. **NOTE TO SELF: Stay out of the girls room**

So I'm asking her to wear a space man(or woman) outfit and get a fog machine for the show. Then you could get little spider monkeys and and put them in space suits! Give em little phasers ad have em ride on German Shepards. I dont know about you but Aliens + Monkey Aliens on dogback + Phasers = BAD ASS!!!

Needless to say she turned my artistic concept down but I'm still pushing for the spider monkeys!

Kill it!!!

Seriously people..... just kill the damn thing. And this chicks got the ballz to call it burger&fries?! I love that shat! HOW DARE YOU VET LADY?! Call it Kibbles'N'Shitz! It looks like it was Satan's pet but was such a pain in the ass the Devil said, "Fugg you lil kitteh! I send you to pound!!!" Fark that man. Or at least declaw the poor fugg and file its teeth down. How you like me now Devil Kitteh?!

Oh no... Kitteh got loose. I didn't mean all that Devil Kitteh! It was all jokes man. You can take a jo.... AAGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Why I will always support our troops!!!!

God bless America!

NEW INCREDIBLE HULK MOVIE TRAILER!!!

Ed Norton? Yeah... I'm so there!

Awesome Tide Commercial

I Drink Your Milkshake!

It could be worse.....

But if you had.... POW!! To the moon Alice.

BANNED! You've been DENIED the most awesome video ever!

Girl on Girl Action

Marriage

^^Hubby Wifey^^

And thats why you take out the trash without being asked.

Joke O'Da Day!

A pregnant woman from Washington, D.C. gets in a car accident and

Falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months,
when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant
and frantically asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! A boy and a girl. Your

Brother from Maryland came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "No, not my brother... he's an idiot!"

She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise." “Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it!
What?s the boy's name?" "Denephew."

One String Willie

Freakin tight! I think this guy use to serve food at Long John Silvers and wore a shell costume. Damn Willie. Ya come a long way!

HUG ME!!!!

You know who you are!!!!

Juandolio Beach 2

*Sorry to my non-spanish speakers. Learn the language fast. This ish is FUNNY!!!*

Cheetos goes underground. Most likely Hades

So what the freak is up with Cheetos? Since when did eating Cheetos mean I like to listen to a cat-demon tell me messed up things to do to people who are rightfully pissed at me? Even the website is freaky. The loading screen for one is a fully white screen with a bulge of black pushing the white out of the picture. From light to dark eh? Then comes a video telling you to listen to all their "non-existant rules". Trying not to be uptight about this but its a little strange how he was cool being "cheesy" now he tells you to throw cheetos into someone's clothes dryer, white clothes of course, or in the second commercial he tells a guy to stick a cheeto inbetween a work laptop then closes it shut on the cheeto, then disappears. This would most definitely get your @$$ whooped and/or fired if anyone ever caught you. I would drop kick their dumb asses fo sho! Not to mention these people look possessed when being under the "Cheese Man's Spell". He went from "Chester Cheetah: It ain't easy being cheesy" to the Devil on your shoulder. Welcome to the New World Order.

Damn Nature, You Scary!

I <3 Meds!

So I got Strep Throat for the first time ever. Its kinda feels like sandpaper lit on fire scratching up and down your throat. But, thank GOD for Antibiotics. Don't know how I got it but once again...... DAMN NATURE, YOU SCARY!!!!!

The Fall of Lucifer Cat

But why's he gotta be black yo?!

Germans

Nuff said.

Come to Daddy....

I know, reminds you of the LooneyToons but, this is actually how I caught my girlfriend. I just replaced the pillows with some Swiss chocolate and roses. You know there's alot to say about the classics! Now go and catch your future Mrs. You can thank me later.

I'd soooo rather be......

Shooting someone in da face! And your face looks like it be needing some shooting.... off. Yeah!!!

So I go out to dinner alot.....

So I go out a lot to dinner. I mean I eat out like every night. I've always wondered how I can get my GF to start cooking for me. Well ladies and gentlemen here's an awesome invention that just might do the trick! They're Salt and Pepper maracas! Now all I gots to do is throw some salsa music on and my baby's cookin me up something spicy! Awww yeah! Salsa con CocoNutz!!!

DO NOT WANT!!!!

Poetry Corner

May god bless us all to attire a giving opportunity to wake up and see another morning!

May the cold chills be our awaking as the infamous kicking’s to do the things we are meant to do but with a stylish jest.

-MLR



P.S. I think that bird smokes marijuana cigarettes.

UPDATE: CocoNutz!

So I left one part out. I apparently get this nickname because I'm coocoo in the head. Coco-Nut? So yeah.... I'm insain in da brane yo!

CocoNutz!

So apparently the above picture is me. Certain people like to call me this because I speak proper English. I don't know. I thought that was a good thing but it seems believing in good grammar belongs to the "white folks". The term comes from being "brown on the outside and 'white' on the inside". Cute nickname? I have some mixed emotions about this. Since speaking proper belongs to my white brothers then speaking bad grammar belongs to my black brothers? Does that sound about right? Should I call this person a "chocolate covered coal" or "cho-coal-ate"? You know, come to think of it I thought chicken was delicious but apparently I have some type of "black" gene in my body that makes me genetically attracted to liking hot wings.

Please Buy for moi!!!!

I love my GF... like alot. But I think of how cool I would look with her walking down the hard streets of Downtown Boston wearing one of these. As she calls me a nerd and I set off a nuke in Istanbul with my thoughts. Instant gratification.

Starbucks + Nerds = Funny

So yeah, can't say I never thought about doing this. Because I have. I do. Every day I think about how much Comcast sucks my left huevo! But I would kick these dooshers out if I worked there. "Come on dood! WTF?! It's costing us more to keep that piece-o-shat tube monitor running than our profits on our Super Venti Mocha Caca Lattes!"

Iz werk hards fer mai monies!!!!

Seriously Sony! WTF?! I needs me a Blue-Ray player but do I need the extra paperweight and $400 price tag? You got like two games worth owning and they aren't that great. Sony, you suck somethin fierce and everyone knows it. You're like the hoochy in the club with her belly overlapping her skirt. Everyone sees you.... YOU see you. But you don't care. You like the attention. It gets you off doesn't it? YOU WHORE!!!!! DAMN YOU SONY!!!!!

A Gift for all Occasions

Need to "WOW" that special someone but just don't know what to get the gal who has everything? Well here's one way to give her that nice warm fuzzy feeling inside. Just follow the simple instructions in this diagram and you're on your way to happy days.

FYI: No Sex In The Family Game Room

Just incase you forgot kiddies!!!! No sexin up your good ol' Wii! Alright, I'm not entirely sure what the frik this picture means but I know one thing.... ima make some mega Wii's when I get home. Awwww yeah!

She Hulk

So whats up with this girl? If you don't know what it is it's Hulk Hogan's daughter, Brooke Hogan. Yeah I know what you're thinking.... "That's a huuuuge b!tc#!" And you're right. Actually she's even huger in real life. One funny fact is how much her chin resembles her balls. I mean damn... thats quite the "satchel" he's got going there. Looks like a little too much Hulk-a-mania juice went into making this future pro wrestler. Well now I'm going to go hide somewhere her father can't crush me like bug!

Cocain is a hell-ova-drug!

So I'm at a Boston Nightclub the other night with a good friend. She's a cutie, it's a model contest, we get backstage. I'm loving it. I get to meet all the model's and now they're all comfortable with me because I'm a friend of a friend. I'm trustworthy ya know! Plus I had just registered as a convicted sex offender. I'm an honest Joe! So I see this guy by the stage. He's looking around franticly. My home-girl walks up and asks him if he's "looking for anyone"?
Where he so kindly replies, "who the hell are you? Get lost!" Ok. I look at this guy and ask him what his problem is. He says, "nothing" with a smile. So I ask him if he likes guys. Simple reasonable question... no? He gets nervous and scratches his head just for all near to see a open bag of coke come out of his pocket and fall all over the side stage(Picture taken of "goods" above). I personally thought this to be the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. Now I've seen a bit of coke movies in my time. One thing I've learned is that its all expensive. This doosh must've lost about $200 or so. Well needless to say this doosh notices he dropped the "goods" then barrels for the front door. Good news for Mr. Doosh.... I'm standing right beside the club owner. Too bad he dropped the numbing powder. He's going to need to be as numb as possible where he's going.

Then I saw another beast.....

So I saw this pic and almost shat my $100.00 Polo Sport pants. I mean seriously America! WTF! Any friggen person can become President these days eh? I got nuts with more smarts than the current candidates! Yes I meant nuts. My nuts! All three of em!

The I.T. Factor!!!

So I'm an IT Tech. I can thank my friend NomBomB for this. If I knew then what I know now... I would be a baker or some shat like that. I mean seriously, who the hell wants to explain how turning your monitor off isn't quite the freakin same as turning your computer off. What do you mean everything is still on your screen Ma'am?! Oh.... I see what the problem is. "Ma'am? Do you see that window to the right of your cube? Jump out of it." I swear that would cost our company less than me holding hands walking dorks through saving an Excel document. Sometimes I feel things would be more efficient if I just wore a gun on a holster and just walk around asking users if they have any issues I could help resolve. Cause: User Error Solution: Replace User.....BAMM!!!!!